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Five Points of Practice
(an edited sesshin Dharma talk, 11/7/03, by Elihu Genmyo Smith)
Practice is the Buddha Way, the Awakened Way. It is not a way to become
awakened or become a Buddha. It is being the Awakened Life that we are,
being the Buddha that we are from the beginning. Maintaining this life,
ongoing practice is needed – especially because of the mischief that
occurs in life as a result of “self-centeredness,” because of “delusion
and attachment.” To support our practice effort, here are five points to
clarify this practice of sitting, of being as we are.
First point: the ideal of how we should be is the most poisonous thing in
the whole world. “Ideal” is about “self;” ideal is about “others.” Ideals
poison life by killing it, cutting us off from who we are, right here,
right now. Either subtly or directly, ideals say, “this isn’t okay, I am
not okay.” Holding to ideals cuts off the fully manifesting, fully
functioning life we always are, blinding this life we are. “I should know
better than that! How come I’m still…” Especially poisonous is when we do
this and call it practice. “A good Zen student does this, doesn’t do
this.” Then we make practice into some rigid ideal that we attempt to
stuff life into. These are dreams of self-centeredness, perpetuating
suffering. Now, notice if there is a new ideal - “I should get rid of
these things, shouldn’t have ideals?” What is practice effort when ideals
arise?
The thing that erodes self-centeredness [the mischief in our life] is the
open experiencing of life at this moment. Instead of “eroding”, we could
say “transforms”, “makes transparent what seems solid”, or even “reveals
as is.” There is no self-centeredness that we need to do anything about
except as it arises. When it arises, when we see the mischief in our life,
right here is the opportunity. Not to try to fix it - in fact, if we try
to fix it, it results in the opposite, a “more solid” self. The second
point is that the open experiencing of this moment, feeling this bodily
sensory life, is where and how self-centeredness erodes, disappears. It
erodes, becomes transparent, of itself, and yet it requires experiencing;
not the thinking about it, not fiddling with it. Noticing emotion-thought,
being aware, is valuable, but of itself it isn’t what erodes
self-centeredness. Noticing, being aware of self-centered emotion-thought
and behavior, often is necessary for and leads to experiencing. Though
necessary, it is not sufficient. What is sufficient is the experiencing of
life – feeling and inhabiting this body-mind-world at this moment.
Even as we sit, we notice ideals popping up. Some of you know about
computers – the pop ups that appear on the Internet screen. In the same
way, self-centeredness pops up of itself in this universe that is our
life. Our inter-being, inter-dependent life has pop ups. Most of you know
(I was taught this by my son) that if you try to directly “click” on or do
something about an Internet pop up it only makes it more solid. (Some of
you laugh; obviously you have tried this.) It is the same in life. The
more we fiddle with the pop ups of self-centeredness, the more we give
them life. Fiddling feeds self-centeredness, makes it stronger. Practice
is opening as this moment, experiencing this moment life, pop ups and all.
This transforms the mischief and suffering of pop ups, of
self-centeredness. And yet, even though experiencing, being present, is
simple and straightforward, it often is exactly what we want to avoid.
Third point: the intelligent suffering of experiencing seems horrible from
the usual self-centered point of view of most people. “Experiencing” is
one of many ways to say this - being this moment, being present - even
when we don’t want to feel this way. We do not want to feel this way
-“because it’s suffering”, “because it’s painful”, “because it’s not
comfortable”, “because, because, because…” These are reasons that I,
self-centeredness, avoid this moment. And yet practice is “intelligent
suffering.” Life only transforms in experiencing. “What if these thoughts
or feelings are unpleasant, uncomfortable?” Just sit here. “What? You just
sit here and feel this? What if it starts hurting and aching and you have
to move or go somewhere or do something?” Be still, be present - be just
this moment. “I don’t want to do it. It’s crazy.” “I don’t want to,” and
”crazy” are all the self-centered point of view. Which is the ordinary
point of view that most people, most of us, base life on most of the time.
It is ego, the self that comes back to “me”, “my”, “I”, “I like” or
“dislike.” In a way, self-centeredness, ego, is always about avoiding the
straightforward simplicity of life. There is no ego, there is no
self-centeredness and yet, the pop up of self-centered ego arises in the
midst of ordinary life, of nothing special right now. “What’s interesting
(for me)?” “This is not exciting, how can I avoid it?” We want to make
self something, or make something of self.
The “intelligent suffering,” “intelligent experiencing,” simply being just
this moment, sometimes seems horrible, especially when we are facing a
“difficult” situation: difficult physically, mentally, socially, which are
the circumstances of being human, of impermanence, the flow of life and
death. People we love do things that we do not want. Things happen to
family, friends, or possessions - circumstances are not what we want. We
may need to be reminded that practice is being horribleness when
horribleness arises. Horribleness might arise in sitting, even though
nothing extra is happening. Sitting, nothing special in this room. Maybe
it is a little cold, maybe a little achy. And yet, this can be turned into
horribleness in self-centeredness. All the more so when facing illness,
pain, and all life/death circumstances.
Even as we practice, we could go off. Fourth point: practice is not
thinking about life, it is bodily feeling the totality of life. Sometimes
we turn practice into thinking about practice, thinking about life.
Nothing wrong with thinking, but practice is not thinking about it.
Practice is bodily feeling the totality of life, being bodily present,
body-mind present – body-mind are not two. Feeling – very simple and
straightforward. We avoid it if we make an effort to avoid it, otherwise
we can’t avoid it. Can’t avoid <hits ground>, and yet we can avoid it. The
way we avoid it is in holding to self-centered emotion-thought, thinking
“what I need,” or “how I am,” and believing it. We manage to avoid being,
we avoid stepping down on the ground, even when we can’t miss the ground.
So I say, practice is not thinking about life.
What is practice? A good practice is absolutely simple. That is the last
of the five points. “Good” in the sense of “effective”, “appropriate”,
“clear”, “intelligent.” In fact our life is absolutely simple, except when
we don’t want to be simple, ordinary. We notice it when making life
something other than this simple ordinary moment. And this leads right
back to where we started, the ideals that are held rather than be this
simplicity of who we are, the functioning of life. The absolute simplicity
of practice. As I said, we can even turn practice into an ideal. We want
to make more of it, something of it.
Practice, sesshin, is absolutely simple. Being bodily experiencing this
whole universe life that we are, notice when caught up in thoughts,
emotions, reactions. “From the beginning,” Dogen Zenji says, “practice is
in realization.” Practice is, we are, awakened life from the beginning. We
aren’t anything else, ever. And yet holding onto ideals as they arise
makes them solid, makes them the truth of who we are. There is no ego or
self-centeredness to get rid of, and yet there is the eroding,
transforming, seeing through self-centeredness as it arises, as it is
held. There is ongoing practice effort of this moment. This moment
contains all past, all present, all future; we don’t have to worry about
it. In fact, we don’t have to worry about anything - life is this moment -
our opportunity is right here, being just this.
Practice is not thinking about practice. Sure, thinking is important,
valuable, another aspect of the functioning we are. Yet practice is not
holding to the thinking, it is being the totality of life - the open
experiencing of this, feeling this bodily sensory world, this functioning
moment. Though sometimes we use “feeling” as a synonym for
“emotion-thought”, that is not what is meant here. “Feeling” is simple,
ordinary; breathing, feel breathing chest, abdomen, body. Sitting, feel
body-mind sitting, buttocks, arms, chest, head, as this feels right now.
Cold, feel cold. It is this bodily-sensory function that we all know very
well. No need to figure it out, think about it. Always absolutely simple
and straightforward. If you go looking, just remember, simple and
straightforward.
I raise these five points as supports and encouragement of this ongoing
practice life, really living this life we are.
Thank you.
© 2003 Elihu Genmyo Smith
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