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Online Newsletter of the Prairie Zen Center - 515 S. Prospect, Champaign, IL 61821 May 2004 |
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Online Newsletter of the Prairie Zen Center - 515 S. Prospect, Champaign, IL 61821 May 2004 |
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Zendo Schedule (Summer)
(cleaning/set up)
(sitting and walking meditiation)
Phone, Web & E-Mail
Web Site - http://www.prairiezen.org
Website Articles For your information, our website has Dharma talks and other material not included in newsletters. Please visit at your leisure. |
Upcoming EventsJune 19th- All-day Sitting, 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. June 20th- Fathers Day Service, 9:00 a.m.
July 15th to 18th- Sesshin Varieties of Practice
The Fall Tuesday Night Class (Sept. 14 to December 14) will
combine the study and experience of various different Buddhist practices.
Participants are asked to attend regularly and commit to working with
various specific practices in the week between classes. More details in
the July and September newsletters.
Elihu will visit the Sangamon Zen Group in Springfield on Sat. June 12th at 10:00 a.m. For information contact Ed Russell at 217-528-4834, or email erussell@tcdiweb.com.
Elihu will be in Evanston, in the Chicago area, on Sat.
June 26th for a sitting/workshop. For details and sign-up please contact
Sue Sommers at 847-869-1969 Summer Schedule
During the summer (until Sept. 9) Thursday Evening Sittings
will be open sittings. Dokusan will be available, in accord with Elihu’s
schedule. Tuesday night Zazen will include dokusan with the class resuming
in the Fall 2004 Calendar Changes Please note the following changes to the December 2004 schedule. The all-day sitting has been changed from Dec. 4th to Dec. 11th. The board meeting is changed from Dec. 4th to Dec. 11th. The Bodhi Day potluck is changed from Dec. 4th to Dec. 11th.
The Bodhi Day service has
been moved from Dec. 5th to Dec. 12th. |
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(an edited Dharma talk) Practice is intimacy, intimacy as the whole universe, intimacy as our life, this moment. Because it is so simple and straight forward, for just this reason we find all sorts of ways to avoid our life, our practice, to avoid zazen. How does this occur? In ordinary language, in ordinary life, we use the word intimacy and think we know what it means. We use intimacy in terms of specific relationships, specific activities, or periods in activities, such as music, arts and sports. In fact, the enjoyable, nurturing and enlivening aspects of these activities is related to being intimate. Nevertheless, understanding intimacy only in this so-called ordinary way, especially in terms of the pleasurable and almost seductive quality and specificity of activity, may lead us to miss the most basic and underlying aspect of intimacy. Zazen is intimacy. Not you and the universe, not with the universe, but zazen is intimacy, our life that is the universe. Not seeing this clearly is a problem in the ordinary understanding of intimacy, whereby intimacy becomes another aspect of dualistic self-centeredness. We feel intimate with another in relationship as long as they fit our expectations. What is expected, what is included or excluded? I am intimate with my parents except when they are critical of me, or demanding, or boring or needy. I am intimate with my partner except when they are troublesome, not enjoyable to be around, not the way I want, when it does not feel intimate. Have these thoughts and feelings arisen for you? They have for most of us. Do you notice these, do you believe these? Do you hold to these beliefs, act as if you can not be intimate with the person, circumstance, based on these beliefs? This is a practice opportunity. Do you cut off this moment, your life? This “cut off” maintains self-centered suffering. How is it when a person manifests habits that I don’t like, is not doing what I want? What if they have terrible tastes in clothes, music, etc, or want to do something that is just stupid (I am sure)? “My kids are just so ...” Am I intimate when they act that way? If my reaction is anger, right here is the opportunity to notice held emotion-thought, to bodily experience this - intimacy is resting on the icy couch of this moment. Often I would rather run from this moment by reacting with anger, believing the expectations, avoiding what seems to be too painful to experience. Notice that what interferes with intimacy is this self-dream. Holding to emotion-thoughts and reacting from them cuts off the intimacy of life. We often associate intimacy with certain pleasurable feelings of closeness of relationships, especially sexual relationships. Clarifying intimacy is tied to clarifying commitment. Do you say “I like the intimacy of our relationship but don’t ask for a commitment?” Do you want the relationship and intimacy when it feels good but not when it does not feel good or comfortable? Commitment is not dependent upon circumstances. And commitment comes from beyond self-centeredness. Whether it is commitment of practice or of relationship; true commitment grows out of who we truly are, manifests who we are. On the surface, commitment may look ordinary, sometimes almost contractual. And yet commitment is vital to practice, as it is to all sorts of activities. All of us know this - if you want to learn to play a musical instrument, if you want to learn an art, a skill, a craft, a language, you must make a commitment. We make a commitment despite the fact that it gets hard, boring, dull, or unappetizing. I should say, some of us make a commitment. Some do not commit, are not willing to experience what is hard, boring, dull. Commitment grows from what might be said to be “deeper than small self,” even though at the start commitment makes sense, is rational. However, if we only stay on the rational level of commitment then when it gets “too hard,” we leave it. Contractual commitment is not adequate for a true relationship. What are we committing to in a relationship? Look closely. What is commitment when it does not go the way we like? An aspect of relationship and commitment is evident with elderly parents. Some of you know
this from your care-giving even when it is smelly, dirty, hard, tiring. You are still committed to
doing what needs to be done, despite anger, upset, frustration. At times commitment related to
an infant seems easier than commitment on the other end of life. It seems easier to change
diapers, get barfed on, or respond to smelly, dirty needs in middle of night. Many of us manifest
this commitment in our life. And yet if we are caught up in self-centeredness we fail to see clearly
because of holding to reactions of like and dislike.
At times we believe intimacy is unpleasant, and is something to avoid, since it doesn’t feed the
rational “I want, I like, I enjoy.” “It is not exciting enough, deep enough, does not produce the results
I want, is uncomfortable, does not go anywhere” - all sorts of reasons. Sitting is being just this
“does not suit me.” Sometimes we talk about intimacy, say all sorts of things, know all sorts of
things about it but refuse to be so. We may talk about practice endlessly and yet, talk does not reach.
Avoiding is refusing this intimacy that is life, avoiding this bodily moment. True commitment is vow.
Making a vow, not necessarily for others, though at times that is appropriate too. In Gakudo Yojin Shu,
Dogen Zenji states “Parents experience physical and mental hardships, and yet they persevere. After
their young have grown up, fathers and mothers receive no reward. And yet, they have compassion
toward their young. Even small creatures have this attitude. This is very similar to the Buddha's
compassion toward all living beings." Joko said recently (I’ll paraphrase) “When you know you can
count on someone no matter what, then you know it is the (relationship)….” See, it is not dependent
upon meeting some conditioned circumstance. Can you depend on yourself to be intimate?
Committing to practice, to who we truly are, does not mean that at times it is not hard or that we do not feel like running; yet we commit, make a vow of what we are, of our life. See, intimacy is our life, it is not something added on, it is not something special to do. This is “raising the Bodhi mind.” Buddha is who you are – it is only the clinging of attachments, self-habits, self-discomfort, self-thinking, that confuses, that cuts us off and blinds us. All of you have discovered how easy it is to believe the stream of emotion/thought, (“this doesn’t feel comfortable (enough), this is too…”) which seems natural, and therefore how it may be hard to simply be present. All sorts of ways to avoid this intimacy that is who we are. Nevertheless, “Practice is from the beginning in realization.” Being intimate is our life. There is nothing but intimacy. Yet, the habits of attachment and beliefs seem to be who we are. At times life may seem hard, uncomfortable, unnatural, extra, even a strain, which we think “should not” be part of intimacy. Sometimes, we try to “create intimacy” in the way “we want it,” which is just more of this self-centered dream, this habit of attachment “doing it-self,” which is not at all intimacy. Being this bodily moment as is, forgetting self, life functioning manifests naturally, intimacy blooms. Everyday functioning, morning to night, are opportunities of intimacy. The whole of our practice is nothing but intimacy. The whole of our life is nothing but intimacy. So we can say, “When I a student of the way look at the real form of the universe all is” this! All is just this intimacy, this opportunity, the functioning of this life. The intimate universe, the turning of the Dharma wheel, is who you are. So, please be intimate, be the intimate life you are. Enjoy. Thank you. © 2004 Elihu Genmyo
Smith
OTHER VIEWS
By Larry Crossett Spirituality was not an issue when my wife and I married. We were deeply involved in our personal circumstances and had little use for such things. It was several years later that Amy was reawakened to her Christian heritage, and, forced by this to look at my own beliefs, I came to Buddhism. On face value there seems to be a wide gap between these two traditions. At first I saw it that way. Here were two conflicting views, and one of them had to be wrong. But in our effort to support each other, Amy and I have begun to question this understanding. We are both striving to grow, and to grow together, so we share. I go with her to church and I see her in prayer. She attends an occasional Dharma talk, and witnesses how practice affects my life. We discuss these things. Through this, Buddhism has come to inhabit her Christianity and Christianity has come to inhabit my Buddhism. I enjoy going to church. There is a strong sense of community and support in our small congregation which appeals to me. The atmosphere fosters presence in the moment, and often the message rings true. “Spirit of Christ,” I am coming to learn, is not so different from “Buddha Nature.“ I’m exploring this for my own satisfaction. It should be simple, but its not. I keep getting in my own way, stumbling over the “Buddhist“ and “Christian“ labels. I try to wedge every experience into one of these categories so I will know how to relate to it. This is part of a self-centered effort to preserve my identity. I’m proud of who I think I am, and I don’t want to be perceived in a different way. “I’m a Buddhist exploring Christianity,” I tell my wife, “Not a Christian exploring Buddhism.” I say this like it means something, but it doesn’t. Thich Nhat Hanh tells of a Zen teacher who said, “Every time I utter the word ‘Buddhist’ I must wash out my mouth three times.” His point is that if we use labels to limit and define ourselves--if we persist in holding to any view whatsoever, this is not the practice of Buddhism. To hold to no view--it‘s hard to imagine living that way. It sounds like what you would see if you kept your eyes closed. It is meant to express what it is to have your eyes wide open.
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