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Happy Birthday!
(an edited Dharma Talk)
by Elihu Genmyo Smith
Happy Birthday!
Whose birthday is it?
It’s yours! Right now, you are born - so, be born right now. This
breath, this moment, you are born. We may believe otherwise; "I" was
born on such and such day, and so on, a long story until today. We may
also have a story about the future. Living out of a story, all sorts of
difficulties occur - because we don’t see, don’t live, as who we are.
Though you are born right now, being born is unborn, undying - so I say
born right now, which is living fully this moment – no thing to fear, no
thing to lose. Being born in the universe of this moment, this
body-mind-universe arising is our practice. This moment response, this
moment practice, is our functioning in the midst of arising conditions;
there is no need to worry about the past or fear the future – “past” and
“future” are the conditions arising now.
Words, as well as all the functioning of this body-mind life, are
wonderful opportunities and tools - and yet they can also be ways in
which we trap our self. Unfortunately, we often fool our self with words
and other habits of life rather than manifest them to give birth to this
moment. Right now, sesshin is a very easy time to be born this moment.
Being this sitting moment, this walking, this eating, very easy. And it
is very easy to see when emotion-thought attachments, body-mind habits
and instincts, confuse us. It is easy in sesshin to see when ideas of
gain and loss appear - since in sesshin there is nothing to gain and
nothing to lose. Actually, there is nothing to gain or lose period, but
this may be more difficult to see. In daily life there are many times we
feel gain, we believe loss, with the resulting confusion, distress,
suffering and reactive behavior. We are sure that “I gain” or “I lost”
are accurate descriptions of circumstances and conditions. Nevertheless,
the whole universe is exactly our life - where can anything be lost or
gained? From the beginning we are this universe, this moment. There
isn’t a before moment, there isn’t an after moment, there is only this
moment we are born, we die - the conditions of this moment arising. Look
closely. In everyday functioning, fear and anger arise when we believe
we are going to lose something or are lacking something - maybe we
believe we have something permanent, or should; or that someone else has
what we don’t but should?
It is easy to see that this body mind is not permanent and unchanging -
or is it? Sometimes we react as if the body, things, should be "more
permanent.” Yet, we do see that bodies are always changing, arising;
sometimes healthy, sometimes sick, sometimes strong, sometimes weak,
sometimes having certain abilities and sometimes those abilities cease.
Can we see this constant change with so-called mental states, the
conditions and functioning of heart-mind? It may be more difficult to be
born now if we believe the idea "I should feel this way," "should have
done it that way," or “I” should not feel angry, upset, forgetful or
hurt right now? Nevertheless, we are born this moment. The universe
manifests as this moment causes and conditions that is nothing but the
absolute universe as who and what we are.
Buddha nature fully manifests right here now. Nowhere else. Nothing
else. There is no Buddha anywhere else. There is no life other than
manifesting right here now. Of course, if I start thinking that “I” am
“inside here,” “not outside,” then we are off in a daydream again. It is
a fiction, fine to use but not the truth. And if we live only out of
fiction, then we miss who we are, miss tasting and being who we are;
worse then that, reactions and harming occurs, stress and suffering
results. Holding and believing this “I”, this “me” and “not me,” “mine”
and “not mine,” can result in anger and suffering, especially when this
moment is not as “I” want. Habits of body mind, along with concepts like
past and future, may be useful and even skillful theories or
explanations, but it is all right now, this moment. So, Dogen Zenji says
“birth is an expression complete this moment, death is an expression
complete this moment.” Be this! “In life there is nothing but life, in
death there is nothing but death.” Yes, this is so! Life is the whole of
this unborn undying that we give all sorts of names right now. Death is
the whole of this unborn undying that we give all sorts of names right
now. If we believe that it is otherwise difficulties arise in our life
and actions. Clarifying this matter is the practice of our life; not
conceptually, not intellectually - those are valuable aspects of being
human but they are not adequate for this matter. More then that, getting
caught up and attached to them gives rise to difficulties. In fact, it
hinders us from living this absolute life moment right now…right now.
That is all we are – saying too much, explaining - this absolute life
manifesting as conditions arising. Being born right now, responding, be
this breath being born; die this breath; this is non-born, non-dying.
When Shakyamuni Buddha is asked "After death a Perfect One is: is only
that the truth and everything else wrong?" — "That is not answered by
me." — "Then after death a Perfect One is not: is only that the truth
and everything else wrong?" — "That too is not answered by me." The
Buddha declines to answer many similar questions, saying, "I teach the
Dharma to disciples from direct knowledge, for the purification of
beings, for surmounting sorrow and lamentation, for ending pain and
grief..."
You may be familiar with Case 55 in the Blue Cliff Record: Master Dogo
comes on a condolence call with his disciple Zengen. Zengen bangs on the
coffin and asks, “Alive or dead?” If you are asked right here, is the
answer clear? Look closely and honestly. Dogo responds “Alive I won’t
say, dead I won’t say.” This is not some “special” Zen answer, but
ordinary speech, clearly expressing this matter. What is this – “I won’t
say, I won’t say”?
STOP NOW FOR A WHILE.
We are all practicing with this matter of life and death. Saying too
much we get into trouble. Yet, we need to say something, clarifying
this, because if we don’t, then we go on with our usual ideas and fears,
and the actions that grow out of fears.
I was at my father-in-law’s funeral a few weeks ago. People were
recounting memories; I was sitting listening and all of a sudden my eyes
were filling with tears, tears running down my face, dripping all over.
All sorts of conditions appear, disappear, yet nothing is being born or
dying; I could say it another way - there is only unborn undying being
born, dying. That is why Dogen says, “birth doesn’t turn into death.
Accordingly birth is understood as unborn.” You might think Dogen should
say that birth is understood as undying. Do you hear how that might make
sense? If you say birth doesn’t turn into death, then say “therefore
birth (or life) is undying;” in a way it would be ok to say that but we
would need to see that “undying” expresses unborn undying. Otherwise you
might take “undying” as some sort of antidote to the fear of dying, to
assert a permanence of birth, life. From the beginning birth is unborn,
undying, as the Heart Sutra states, “not born, not destroyed.” There is
no permanence that we are trying to use to save us from this fear of
death, to assure our self. Fear of death arises because we don’t see our
life clearly! We may fear the old age, sickness, and death which is all
around us because we live in either the before or after, thinking we are
going to gain or lose something. So, Dogen says, “birth is understood as
unborn.” Similarly, Dogen says “it is the teaching of the Buddha Dharma
that death doesn’t turn into birth. Accordingly death is understood as
undying.” Neither a permanent self nor the nihilism that death is
complete annihilation; Buddha Dharma is the Middle Way, conditioned
arising, cause and effect, impermanence, karma and rebirth. But if we
take those on the level of concepts they just become more daydreams that
keep us from right this moment - living the unborn undying life we are,
dying the unborn undying life we are. See, when we die we just die. None
of us are dying at this moment here – or are we? When we are alive, we
are alive; when we die, we die. If we live in the fear of the different
condition that we assume illness or approaching death to be, or the
dreams we have about life and death, suffering ensues. Fear hinders
living this life that we are. So, practice is manifesting this moment.
Being born this moment. Dying this moment.
Happy birthday! This breath, happy birthday! This is freedom, being this
moment. The freedom you have, I have, we all have - to be right where we
are, functioning freely right now. The freedom of ongoing practice -
exactly this body mind condition arising. Celebrate your birth by living
fully this moment. Sesshin, our life, is a continuous birthday party -
being born, being born – this is zazen, all of these wonderful abilities
and capacities that we can live fully. Sitting, walking, seeing,
hearing, smelling; as we practice, we taste them, we sense them, we
appreciate them, we embody them. Isn’t this splendid? Isn’t this
wonderful? And at the end of sesshin the Tenzo (kitchen leader) is so
kind to provide a cake for the birthday. We should have a birthday party
all the time! And we do; we have rice, vegetables, milk, fruit, and all
sorts of other birthday celebrations; simply this moment celebration.
Thank you.
© 2008 Elihu Genmyo Smith
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